I inched the nose of our car out to make the turn onto another road. A three-wheeled truck was parked on the corner blocking my view, so I crept out carefully since I was blind to what might be heading my way. Unfortunately, a man on a speeding motorcycle saw the front of my car in his lane, swerved and lost control, sliding to the asphalt. I was relieved when he got right up and seemed unhurt, but I got out of the car and ran over to him to make sure. “I’m okay,” he assured me. “There’s no damage.”

“Well I’m glad,” I replied, “But let’s go inside that restaurant and sit down a while.” I called a couple of Albanian friends and told them what had happened. Both joined us within minutes. The owner of the restaurant saw the whole thing and kept saying I hadn’t hit the guy or even come near him. He supplied beverages for all of us on the house. After the motorcycle driver finished and drove away, many of the men started giving me a tongue lashing. “Why didn’t you keep driving after you saw he was okay?” I was shocked. What was I missing?

Later, Brenda and I realized that their perspective was so strange to us because of cultural differences. Albania has an honor/shame society. Public opinion is the most important influence, especially outside of the capital city. Whether or not a person actually did something wrong is not as important as what people will think and say about him. But, in this case, I decided the Golden Rule was weightier than cultural expectations.

But, what if a situation is not morally wrong according to Bible principles but it still feels wrong? When we were new to Albania, we learned that many would fly the Albanian flag next to the flag of the country where a son or grandson had emigrated. When I once saw an American flag accidentally flown upside down, it really bothered me. You see, I grew up in a military family, and I served in the U.S. Air Force for many years. Though I later realized the flag flyers had good intentions, it felt like a deliberate insult. Before I knew better, I was offended. I didn’t realize the proud parents were unaware of which way was up on the American flag. It made me more careful with how I came across to Albanians. Was I unknowingly insulting them? I began to ask more questions.

Alban explained how he was offended by a foreigner because of a cultural difference. “I had met him before, so when I ran into him one day, I invited him to have a cup of coffee with me,” Alban explained. “My foreign friend agreed, but he drank his chamomile tea quickly and said thanks and left after only 10 or 15 minutes of talking. I thought he must not like me. It bothered me, and I thought about it all day. Finally I realized that the only thing he had done to give me this impression was to be so rushed and in a hurry. Albanians make time for coffee with their friends. They spend an hour.” I asked Alban if it was insulting that he ordered herbal tea instead of coffee. “Of course not. It’s the time spent that matters.” I began to realize that my own culture values efficient use of time more highly than spending time with people.

Another area that is important to Albanians is greetings. If you haven’t seen a friend in a while and notice him across the street, you don’t just wave and keep walking. You must cross the street and kiss both his cheeks or shake his hand at the very least while asking how each member of his family is and how he has been spending his time. Then usually you will invite him to have a beverage with you. This usually takes a while and explains the relaxed view of time here which was frustrating and hard for me to accept at first. Now I realize it is helping me to become more patient, and that is a good thing. Albanians value their friends and show it by making time for them. People are what matters most to Jesus, too.

Talking about how Americans need to learn hospitality, a South African friend once laughingly described how he often has to ask for even a cup of water when he visits people’s homes because nothing is offered.

Albanians, on the other hand, are known for their amazing hospitality. When we were new here and strangers to them, they showered us with their best food and drink when we were guests in their homes. They still do. In this respect, their culture is more in line with biblical principles than mine is.

While every country has its positives and negatives, my prayer is that I will one day see a church planted here that will be both clearly Albanian and modeled after a heavenly pattern.

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