“Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’” (Matthew 7:22-23 NKJV)

This passage has always haunted me. How could Jesus not know His servants? Doesn’t God know the number of hairs on our heads? Doesn’t He see everything that happens in this world? How can a human serve God and yet not be known by Him? Accurately prophesying is no easy feat! You must first be able to hear God’s voice and then be willing to proclaim the message. How can a person safely cast out demons and be unknown by the One whose name they are using? Casting out demons is NOT easy. If you’re not careful, they will enter you if God does not inhabit your dwelling. God tangibly answered these questions during my second month of service in Cambodia.

As you might imagine, the first month in a foreign country is new and exciting. Even though Cambodia reminded me a lot of my birth country of Colombia, I quickly achieved many new milestones. It was exciting to experience the novelty of leaving the U.S. for the first time and vicariously seeing wonders through the eyes of my teammate Alexia. But after a month of preparing lesson plans and getting used to my new surroundings, I was ready to begin working. I had done my best to prepare and quickly adjusted to teacher life. (Read “The Safest Place to Be,” Adventist Frontiers, February 2024, for a deeper dive into my story on teaching.)
 
But after several weeks, things had begun to feel . . . well, normal. Life is not so different around the world. Some things are universal. You must wake up early every morning, clean your home, cook food and drive to and from work. Repeat.

Furthermore, the problems you thought you had left on the other side of the planet have a funny way of following you. Halfway through October, these problems began to affect my new life. Little by little, it became easier to hit the snooze button in the morning. My wake-up time gradually increased from 5:00 a.m. until I was waking up 20 minutes before I had to be at school at 7:00 a.m. My day was filled with mission work, but my free moments began to be filled with “innocent” distractions from my problems.

Dealing with pain and emotional trauma is never fun. Escapism is one of the go-to solutions for most humans. Some people escape through work. Others, through exercise, sports, shopping or social media. I was no exception. The problem is that the more you try to run away and distract yourself, the more you become isolated from the people and things that truly matter. But part of being an adult means continuing to function even if your personal and public life doesn’t align.

So, I hobbled along, smiling widely, teaching my classes, excitedly talking about God and completing any task asked of me. But the more that time progressed, the less my heart was in it. We must never discount the power of prayer, however! I know that even in these valley moments, God was answering the prayers of my support group back at home.

One afternoon, God spoke to me through a conversation with a fellow student missionary:

“We often have the faith to follow God where He calls us or have the courage to share Him with others, but we don’t really dare to let Him into the darkest and most broken parts of our hearts. We will lift others in prayer, but we are so afraid to tell Him of our own pains and struggles. It’s as if we are embarrassed to let Him see that part of us as if He were another human we think we can deceive with a façade. But ‘Oh, what peace we often forfeit! Oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!’

“I think this is part of why God will say to His servants in the end that He did not know them. They were unwilling to let Him have access to all of their hearts. They were unwilling to let God heal those deep wounds because they didn’t want to relive the pain. But holding on to that brokenness out of fear also allowed the enemy to have a stronghold in their hearts. That pain, in turn, drove them to escape. They went through the motions of life, even a life of service to God, and never experienced true surrender and freedom. They never allowed God to completely know them — every good and bad aspect. And as time progressed, this escapism widened the divide in their relationship with God. They lived their double life but never knew what it was to be a true friend of God like Abraham.”

Hearing this woke me up from my apathy. I had become one of those who had worked in God’s name but was not known by Him! I realized why my relationship with God had been declining. I had been nursing my pain, hiding it from everyone, including myself. The more I ran from the pain, the further I got from others and God. Each of my spiritual struggles was an extension of that thing I was not letting God heal. I realized I must stop running and let myself fall into Jesus’ loving arms.

As I told Him all my grief and allowed Him to nestle me while I cried, I began to experience healing. Rays of hope burst through oppressive darkness and began to dispel my fears. Joy was restored, purpose returned, and as I felt the love from God, love for the souls around me began to flourish. I began to know God! He is more than the God of our religion. Not only is He the God of the Bible, He is my God, my Healer, my Friend, and I am His!

I want to know Him, and I pray this journey may continue so He might know me. I know it will take a daily surrender of my mistakes, pain and struggles. Healing is continuous. But I now know I must trust in my Father to guide me from where I am to where He means for me to be as His follower. And you, dear friend? Will you let Him have all of you? Will you let Him know you?

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