After 14 years of serving in various fields, we have started recognizing a pattern in our daily mission life: When it rains, it pours. In our case, that is true for both troubles and blessings.

About a month ago, I sat in bed reading the Bible on my phone, unable to go back to sleep. I had been so stressed the last few months—extremely anxious and chronically tired—that insomnia became my reliable companion. Our U.S. visa papers had encountered unexpected delays while furlough was approaching. Our rent had increased 50 percent, with doubling potential in sight, due to rapid inflation and high demand caused by the war in Ukraine. We also carried a burden for the refugee project, which at the time needed more hands than we could provide. I think it is fair to say we were in a perfect storm of physical, emotional and spiritual uncertainty.

Then my eyes fell on Mark 8:14, and I could not stop reading. When Jesus told the disciples to stay away from the yeast of the Pharisees, they thought it was because they had no bread—the same day Jesus had fed the multitudes! Although I had read Jesus’ answer many times before, I understood it differently this time.

“Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”
“Twelve,” they replied.

“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”

They answered, “Seven.”

He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

Now I saw that I was the disciple worried about bread while I rowed in a boat with the Bread of Life. A similar conversation with God then played in my heart.

“What did I do for you the last time you were worried about fundraising?” God asked.

“You gave us a $50,000 check. I will never forget that,” I replied.

“What opportunity did you receive right after your rent increased?” He continued.

“To start the process for a project home and get rid of rent completely. This will be such a blessing,” I admitted.

“What did I send your way when you said you wanted to help a few refugees?” God prompted.

“An unexpectedly generous donation that helped 500 of them,” came my enthusiastic answer.

“What did I do when you were sick, worried and alone?” He added.

“You brought us healing, good news and new friends as a bonus,” I replied.

“Do you still not understand?” God asked.

Tears started streaming down my face. “I do understand, Lord. These things that I worry about to the point of exhaustion are nothing but mundane to you. You can fix them in a heartbeat. It is so hard to let go of my burden, but please, take it. It is all on you now.”

Minutes later, my phone lit up. Ding-ding! It was a screenshot confirming that our visa petition, which we had been awaiting for months, had been approved. That same day, the wheels of the special housing project were put in motion. With an apartment belonging to the Georgian project, we can live and work in a stable place without the constant worry that the rent might triple or we might get evicted without warning.

Going down memory’s lane, reviewing all God has done for us and through us these past years was definitely the way to let go of anxiety. I put the phone down and cried the happiest tears of the last three years. And only moments after I let things go from my hands, God showed me they had been in His hands the whole time.

I wish I could say we learned this lesson so well that we took all the next hits with grace. I wish I could say our faith was never challenged again. I wish I could say we were never afraid or worried ever since. But like all humans, we also often fall into the trap of relying on ourselves to carry all the burdens. It is a daily battle, a daily surrender. However, it is one that we carry knowing our history with God. We might often go through a perfect storm. But we know Who rows the boat with us, and that will always make all the difference.

A big thank-you to everyone who has helped keep our boat afloat all these years and continues to do so. We are grateful for each of you.

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